Thursday, April 12, 2012

Tough Transitions

I'll be back blogging when the leaves are golden!
I have good news and bad news...



Bad news first?



Okay.  I'm taking a little break from blogging until this fall and my shop won't be super active either...



Ready for the good news?



I'm going to be a (more or less) stay-at-home mom come July!  Crazy eh? 


So that explains the transition part.  Now you're probably wondering what is so tough about it.  I'm just going to not work anymore and sit at home right?  Dude, you are so wrong.  Let me catalog my thoughts for you.

1. I'm leaving a job in a tough economy - isn't this what economists would tell me NOT to do?  That even if my husband can score a second job that he will be at the bottom of the food chain and the first to be laid off?  I have a job with a pension & 401k and I'm giving it up?  Am I crazy - nobody gets pensions anymore!

2. I'm "making" my husband get a second job, so on top of his exhausting schedule of fire fighting he will be toiling away in his remaining hours.

3. I'm taking my girls' Daddy away from them.  Right now he is home during more of their waking hours than I am, they both worship him and routinely tell me that they love me, but they love Daddy more.  And now he will be gone more than his regular 48 stints.

4. I will NOT just be sitting at home, being Mom In Chief is a job that Josh and I have been trying to split, but it doesn't split so well, it is such a big demanding job that it really does require a full time CEO, so now I will be taking over all responsibility of the running of the household (besides the cars - if I can help it I'm still not going to be in charge of their maintenance, I'm a girl for heavens' sakes, those men don't take me seriously!)  and there are no breaks from this job.  Except when my mom agrees to take the little curtain-climbers so we can have a night away (I love you mom!)

5. I am leaving some friends at work.  And that is never easy, especially since I'm trading in regular adult conversation at predictable, regular intervals for conversations about... Dora the Explorer.

6. I'm losing independence.  I've been earning a paycheck since I was 15, that is approximately 14 years, almost half of my life, and now that I am giving that up it is making me feel oddly vulnerable.  It isn't that I don't trust my husband to take care of me - the man would do anything to make sure I'm comfortable and well taken care of - it is just a strange feeling that I have that I'm losing something, maybe just that I'll feel guilty spending ANY money on ANYTHING that would be for me.

7. I'm sure there is something else that I'm just not realizing yet.  I've recently been watching an aunt go through the transition to career woman to full time mom and it scares me.  I'm sure that there will be other anxieties that I don't foresee yet


But.



What matters now is that monkey on the table and her sister.

With all that being said this is the best thing for me and mine.  There is nothing wrong with being a working mom, it just will not work for me anymore.  I cannot divide myself between two full time jobs, both of them demand full attention.  My children will benefit from this, even though they will throw fits that Daddy isn't home as much.  I will benefit from this - truth be told I don't like my job.  It is a high stress atmosphere, which I am just not made for, and my thoughts are always at home.  It will also enable me to spend a little more time on the money making endeavors that I do enjoy, my Etsy shop and tutoring.  Josh has confessed that he is also a bit excited to go out and get a part time job - as much as I know he loves our girls I think it is hard for him to divide his attentions too.  In the end we will make it work because our home, our family is what matters. 



Remind me later to tell you about my thoughts on mothering and history...